personal
Losing friends used to scare me. I felt like it defined who I was, if I was good person or not, if I was able to keep any without making them hate me or get bored of me. But I'm realizing that losing people is natural and it's how it was meant to be all along.
My fear used to make me hold on to them. If these people came back to me, I had to try and give them another chance. Maybe we could be like we used to be. That never works, though. Too much happens for it to go back to how it was. Truth of the matter is, when people leave my life, I become a little bit of a new person. I grow and evolve away from them. So when they're back, we can't be who we used to be because I'm different. I'm not that same person anymore.
And that's okay. It's okay that they're no longer in my life. It's okay that I've changed.
Oh, if you keep reaching out
Then I'll keep coming back
And if you're gone for good
Then I'm okay with that
-Maggie Rogers
note to self: vol. 3
February 11, 2018 • featured, life, musings, note to self, personal
- Control what you can and confront what you can’t.
- Remember that life won’t always go according to plan. Sometimes things won’t work out or they’ll go off track, but that’s no reason to lose sight of what the main goal is or what is ahead.
- Things happen for a reason. In the end, it’s for the better. Be optimistic.
- When life presents you with something, take full advantage of it.
- Once again, do more of what makes you happy without feeling guilty about it.
twenty seventeen
December 31, 2017 • featured, life, musings, personal
Over the course of 2017, I listed out a handful of goals to accomplish each month in my planner. After the month was over, I would put either a :) if I got it done, a :( if I didn’t get it done, or a :| face if I sort of got it done. I’m a checklist type of person. I’m more attuned to what I need to do if I have something to check off at the end of it. This was my way of making sure that I was going to follow through with my monthly goals, from something as big as getting a job to little things like reading more books.
Because of these goals, 2017 was one of my best years. I could sit here and write it all out again, but I think it’d be repetitive as I’d already gushed about how amazing 2017 has been for me. A part of me wants to mourn the end of a good year, but I realized that it’s silly to do that. I could act like everything good that was happening in 2017 ends tonight, or I could continue to live my best life tomorrow and everyday on forth as well. I’m going with the latter.
My good friend, KJB put out a newsletter today (please subscribe to Living Lightly Letter, I promise you won’t regret it) and she wrote:
“For 2018, I do hope you take notice of the quiet moments that contribute to the great things happening in your life. I hope you don’t put pressure on yourself to make this The Best Year Ever so you can just grow as you see fit.”
That quote really resonated with me because this is how I would like 2018 to be. I don’t want to go into it thinking I’m going to change everything all at once and have the best year ever. What I want to do is make slow and steady steps toward each of my goals like I did this year. Big changes like the ones we hope to make every December 31st are not realistic. Often times when those big changes don’t happen, it’s easy to think that you had a bad year, but that’s not always true. There’s something magical about counting your blessings because you realize you have more than you thought.
Here are my goals for 2018 (resolutions, if you will).
- Do more of what makes me happy, no matter how weird or strange or juvenile it may seem.
- Succeed at work and figure out my career path.
- Understand money - how to save and how to spend.
- Find a work/life balance so that I can spend time with people I care about, but also give my 100% at work.
- Learn to trust others again.
- Be more open about how I’m feeling and give those feelings validation instead of brushing it off.
- Travel (to somewhere that’s not Canada or Bangladesh for once…)
- Live a more healthy lifestyle (eat healthy, sleep on time, and exercise)
- Stop caring about what others might think of me and stop seeking validation from people.
- Take all that I learned in 2017 and apply it to 2018 so that the new year is just as amazing as this one was.
Now, excuse me while I go listen to “New Year’s Day” by Taylor Swift on repeat.
fall concerts roundup
November 19, 2017 • featured, life, musings, personal
My first concert was when I was 14. It was in a Macy’s parking lot and I went with my cousin, mom and sister to see Ashley Tisdale perform 3 songs off of her then new album, Headstrong. Since then, I have lost count of how many shows I’ve been to and who I’ve seen. But the one thing I remember from each of these shows is how good I felt.
The thing about concerts is that there’s this feeling of unity in there. We’re all in one place to see artists perform some of our favorite songs. Songs that we listened to for hours, singing to ourselves or with our friends. My dad said to me the other day, “What’s the point of concerts? Just listen on your phone or on your computer.” The point is, there’s a whole other joy to singing these same songs with the artists who created them. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but when I enter the venue before a show, I leave everything that’s bothering me at the door and spend the next 2 to 3 hours just enjoying. There’s something liberating about that.
This past fall, I have been to three shows and each of them are unforgettable. Here’s a look back so I can cry and indulge myself.
Harry Styles: Live On Tour (September 28)
Everything about this show was like a dream. Getting the tickets last May, the build up to it, and the actual show itself. I saw so many of my friends that night, smiling and so excited for Harry to perform. The actual performance comes back to me in flashes. I just remember a lot of screaming, a lot of dancing, and Harry being a complete psycho (in a cool way.)
Ed Sheeran: Divide Tour (September 30)
I’ve tried to see Ed consecutively every tour since first seeing him perform in an intimate session back in 2012. He is one of the few artists I will never tire of hearing live. That night, I obnoxiously sang along to every song, stole friends’ snacks, and nearly got into a fight with a lady at the parking garage in Brooklyn.
Niall Horan: Flicker Sessions (October 31)
I was attempting to sell this show’s ticket up until the morning of the show. I was fully prepared to let it go, too exhausted to go out. But something in my heart just told me I couldn’t let it go. Somehow, I convinced my parents to drive me to the city for just Niall’s set. I snuck from the back to 6th row where my friends were and pretended like I knew every word of all the songs even though the album had only come out the week before.
Today I turn twenty five (25) years old. A quarter of a century.
The thought of it is extremely scary and daunting. It just sounds like such an old age? Like, when did I get here? How did it happen this fast? Why is my life passing by so quickly?
In hindsight, life has always felt that way. Every birthday I wonder how a year has gone by as fast as it did, and as always, I reflect over everything I’ve experienced and learned.
Before I get into the year of twenty four, I would like to say that as of recently, my way of perceiving things has changed a bit. I never overlooked the good, but I did ponder over the bad even though it shouldn’t even cross my mind anymore. In a way, bad things happen to everyone. We all go through difficult situations and bad moods, but once we get through it, it should be in the past. We shouldn’t dwell, or revisit, or give it a second thought. It’s not important anymore other than the fact that I had to go through it to get to where I am. Of course there were tough times this past year, many of which was documented on this blog, but I don’t want to talk about them anymore.
With that being said, twenty four was an amazing year.
I have so much to be thankful for and happy about, so bear with me as I indulge myself a bit. First and foremost, my sister had a baby and he is the light of my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I love babies and to have a baby in the house is so exciting! He’s just so happy that any of us could be in a bad mood and he can fix it. I feel so lucky to be able to watch him grow into a bundle of energy and loving person. Second, I finally graduated college, something that has been a long and grueling battle. It was a day filled with love, everyone coming together to celebrate my achievement and making me feel over the moon.
In terms of other achievements, I interned at SiriusXM and absolutely loved that experience. It was so fun and interesting. I hope to someday go back and work with them again. Soon after that (really, like, six months) I got a new job -- a permanent one where I’m learning and getting comfortable in a whole new setting. I feel like a true adult now that I’m sleeping on time, eating three square meals a day, and actually working on a daily basis.
Another big source of happiness in my life are my friends. I’ve got friends in different states and countries, all through a lovely thing called the Internet. But I’ve also got friends from work and those who I’ve kept in touch with over time, and after this past year, I’ve started to understand who I really want to keep in my life, who’s important, and who will treat me fair and with love. My current friends are gems. I’ve had so much fun meeting and hanging out with them. From screaming Taylor Swift and One Direction songs in the car, talking about feelings over delicious meals and coffee, going to our favorite singer’s concerts, meeting celebs just for kicks, browsing bookstores, to group chats where the memes and the drags are endless.
Saying goodbye to the wonderful year I’ve had is hard. There are so many memories, moments, and tidbits that I want to hold on to. It’s just unreal to me how many milestones I’ve crossed and that the end result has been so sweet. I’m big on dreaming and I’m happy to say that several of my dreams have come true.
I hope that this upcoming year treats me with the same love and care that twenty four has.
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