twenty seventeen
December 31, 2017 • featured, life, musings, personal
Over the course of 2017, I listed out a handful of goals to accomplish each month in my planner. After the month was over, I would put either a :) if I got it done, a :( if I didn’t get it done, or a :| face if I sort of got it done. I’m a checklist type of person. I’m more attuned to what I need to do if I have something to check off at the end of it. This was my way of making sure that I was going to follow through with my monthly goals, from something as big as getting a job to little things like reading more books.
Because of these goals, 2017 was one of my best years. I could sit here and write it all out again, but I think it’d be repetitive as I’d already gushed about how amazing 2017 has been for me. A part of me wants to mourn the end of a good year, but I realized that it’s silly to do that. I could act like everything good that was happening in 2017 ends tonight, or I could continue to live my best life tomorrow and everyday on forth as well. I’m going with the latter.
My good friend, KJB put out a newsletter today (please subscribe to Living Lightly Letter, I promise you won’t regret it) and she wrote:
“For 2018, I do hope you take notice of the quiet moments that contribute to the great things happening in your life. I hope you don’t put pressure on yourself to make this The Best Year Ever so you can just grow as you see fit.”
That quote really resonated with me because this is how I would like 2018 to be. I don’t want to go into it thinking I’m going to change everything all at once and have the best year ever. What I want to do is make slow and steady steps toward each of my goals like I did this year. Big changes like the ones we hope to make every December 31st are not realistic. Often times when those big changes don’t happen, it’s easy to think that you had a bad year, but that’s not always true. There’s something magical about counting your blessings because you realize you have more than you thought.
Here are my goals for 2018 (resolutions, if you will).
- Do more of what makes me happy, no matter how weird or strange or juvenile it may seem.
- Succeed at work and figure out my career path.
- Understand money - how to save and how to spend.
- Find a work/life balance so that I can spend time with people I care about, but also give my 100% at work.
- Learn to trust others again.
- Be more open about how I’m feeling and give those feelings validation instead of brushing it off.
- Travel (to somewhere that’s not Canada or Bangladesh for once…)
- Live a more healthy lifestyle (eat healthy, sleep on time, and exercise)
- Stop caring about what others might think of me and stop seeking validation from people.
- Take all that I learned in 2017 and apply it to 2018 so that the new year is just as amazing as this one was.
Now, excuse me while I go listen to “New Year’s Day” by Taylor Swift on repeat.
fall concerts roundup
November 19, 2017 • featured, life, musings, personal
My first concert was when I was 14. It was in a Macy’s parking lot and I went with my cousin, mom and sister to see Ashley Tisdale perform 3 songs off of her then new album, Headstrong. Since then, I have lost count of how many shows I’ve been to and who I’ve seen. But the one thing I remember from each of these shows is how good I felt.
The thing about concerts is that there’s this feeling of unity in there. We’re all in one place to see artists perform some of our favorite songs. Songs that we listened to for hours, singing to ourselves or with our friends. My dad said to me the other day, “What’s the point of concerts? Just listen on your phone or on your computer.” The point is, there’s a whole other joy to singing these same songs with the artists who created them. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but when I enter the venue before a show, I leave everything that’s bothering me at the door and spend the next 2 to 3 hours just enjoying. There’s something liberating about that.
This past fall, I have been to three shows and each of them are unforgettable. Here’s a look back so I can cry and indulge myself.
Harry Styles: Live On Tour (September 28)
Everything about this show was like a dream. Getting the tickets last May, the build up to it, and the actual show itself. I saw so many of my friends that night, smiling and so excited for Harry to perform. The actual performance comes back to me in flashes. I just remember a lot of screaming, a lot of dancing, and Harry being a complete psycho (in a cool way.)
Ed Sheeran: Divide Tour (September 30)
I’ve tried to see Ed consecutively every tour since first seeing him perform in an intimate session back in 2012. He is one of the few artists I will never tire of hearing live. That night, I obnoxiously sang along to every song, stole friends’ snacks, and nearly got into a fight with a lady at the parking garage in Brooklyn.
Niall Horan: Flicker Sessions (October 31)
I was attempting to sell this show’s ticket up until the morning of the show. I was fully prepared to let it go, too exhausted to go out. But something in my heart just told me I couldn’t let it go. Somehow, I convinced my parents to drive me to the city for just Niall’s set. I snuck from the back to 6th row where my friends were and pretended like I knew every word of all the songs even though the album had only come out the week before.
Today I turn twenty five (25) years old. A quarter of a century.
The thought of it is extremely scary and daunting. It just sounds like such an old age? Like, when did I get here? How did it happen this fast? Why is my life passing by so quickly?
In hindsight, life has always felt that way. Every birthday I wonder how a year has gone by as fast as it did, and as always, I reflect over everything I’ve experienced and learned.
Before I get into the year of twenty four, I would like to say that as of recently, my way of perceiving things has changed a bit. I never overlooked the good, but I did ponder over the bad even though it shouldn’t even cross my mind anymore. In a way, bad things happen to everyone. We all go through difficult situations and bad moods, but once we get through it, it should be in the past. We shouldn’t dwell, or revisit, or give it a second thought. It’s not important anymore other than the fact that I had to go through it to get to where I am. Of course there were tough times this past year, many of which was documented on this blog, but I don’t want to talk about them anymore.
With that being said, twenty four was an amazing year.
I have so much to be thankful for and happy about, so bear with me as I indulge myself a bit. First and foremost, my sister had a baby and he is the light of my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I love babies and to have a baby in the house is so exciting! He’s just so happy that any of us could be in a bad mood and he can fix it. I feel so lucky to be able to watch him grow into a bundle of energy and loving person. Second, I finally graduated college, something that has been a long and grueling battle. It was a day filled with love, everyone coming together to celebrate my achievement and making me feel over the moon.
In terms of other achievements, I interned at SiriusXM and absolutely loved that experience. It was so fun and interesting. I hope to someday go back and work with them again. Soon after that (really, like, six months) I got a new job -- a permanent one where I’m learning and getting comfortable in a whole new setting. I feel like a true adult now that I’m sleeping on time, eating three square meals a day, and actually working on a daily basis.
Another big source of happiness in my life are my friends. I’ve got friends in different states and countries, all through a lovely thing called the Internet. But I’ve also got friends from work and those who I’ve kept in touch with over time, and after this past year, I’ve started to understand who I really want to keep in my life, who’s important, and who will treat me fair and with love. My current friends are gems. I’ve had so much fun meeting and hanging out with them. From screaming Taylor Swift and One Direction songs in the car, talking about feelings over delicious meals and coffee, going to our favorite singer’s concerts, meeting celebs just for kicks, browsing bookstores, to group chats where the memes and the drags are endless.
Saying goodbye to the wonderful year I’ve had is hard. There are so many memories, moments, and tidbits that I want to hold on to. It’s just unreal to me how many milestones I’ve crossed and that the end result has been so sweet. I’m big on dreaming and I’m happy to say that several of my dreams have come true.
I hope that this upcoming year treats me with the same love and care that twenty four has.
goodbyes and hellos
November 5, 2017 • life, musings, personal, work
Photo by Matt Hoffman on Unsplash
Last Monday, I said goodbye to my old job where I spent the last two and a half years. It was home, a place where I’d gotten extremely comfortable with those around me and what I was doing. When time came and I accepted a new job, I couldn’t believe that I only had a number of days left with the people I’d grown so close to. I spent my final day at work with a big smile, appearing positive, and my goodbyes were lovely. There was so much love, but it was with a heavy heart that I left. It was with promises of keeping in touch and visiting, but I knew deep down how hard that would be.
Goodbyes have never been easy for me. Maybe it’s a Scorpio thing, but I tend to get attached and have difficulty letting go. It’s the finality of it -- the feeling that once I let go, I will never get it back again. What if I regret it? What if I shouldn't have let it completely go?
This is where I try to remind myself that life evolves and change is inevitable. After all, a new job is what I’ve been wanting, screaming, and fighting for for the past 5 months. Now that I finally got it, I was hesitant at first. I thought that I wasn’t ready and needed more time. But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? We’re never going to be 100% ready for anything. We just have to jump all in and hope for the best.
Last Thursday, I said hello to my new job, a place where I’ll be for the foreseeable future. Walking in on my first day, I was immediately welcomed by people who I could see myself getting comfortable with and close to. And then after spending my first two days there, I have a gut feeling that it’s going to be home.
note to self: vol. 2
October 29, 2017 • life, musings, note to self, personal
- Some people may ask for your advice, but instead do the opposite of what you tell them. Rather than butt in, let them make their own mistakes. They’ll eventually learn on their own.
- Don’t be ashamed of the things that make you happy. Share it openly and scream it from the rooftops. The people whose opinions you’re worried about don’t matter that much anyway.
- Allowing friends who you’ve had a falling out with back into your life might be a good thing. Just keep in mind to always put yourself first.
- Don’t worry or think about the people who hurt you. Karma is definitely real.
- When you wish for something and you truly hold onto the hope that you’ll achieve it, it will eventually happen. It might not feel like it at the time, but the universe works in funny ways.
my (not so) perfect life
October 22, 2017 • life, musings, personal
Recently I read a book by one of my favorite authors, Sophie Kinsella, titled My (Not So) Perfect Life. The protagonist, Katie, much like myself, is trying her best to adult and find a place for herself in a big city. She views several of her co-workers as people who are living “the perfect life” while she struggles with money, love, and family issues. Despite that, she curates a nice Instagram feed to fool those who follow her into thinking that she doesn’t have it so bad. As the story progresses, she learns that “the perfect life” doesn’t exist. From the outside it might seem like it, but once you really look into it, everyone’s got problems.
Like Katie, I’ve definitely whined about my life and pointed out those who seemed to have it all together, such as in this previous blog post. I talked about how some people always get what they want easily while I have to work a bit harder than them. Soon after that, I vented to a friend about someone we both know who has many privileges and how I’m so overwhelmingly jealous of them. My friend reminded me then that this person actually does have a lot of issues, some of which they shared with us, and what’s unfair is me thinking that they've got a perfect life.
It took a moment for me to admit to myself that I was wrong. I shouldn’t assume anything about anyone’s life because I don’t know what they’re really going through. Instagram, Twitter and Facebook might make it seem like they’re living a great life, but that’s not always the case. In fact, I was on the receiving end of this way of thinking twice within the past month. Two people told me that I seem to be living my best life based on what they’ve seen on my Instagram. I’m always traveling, going out to eat, and meeting exciting people.
While I won’t deny that I have a great life and do count my blessings, that’s not entirely the case. I put the best of my life on Instagram because no one ever wants to post or see the ugly bits. These people who follow me on Instagram didn’t see the days I spent at home, feeling down. They didn’t see the times I was crippled with anxiety because I couldn’t find a job and felt pressure when I saw everyone else around me succeeding. They also didn’t see how lonely I felt when I didn’t have any friends to call up during nights when I wanted to go out because I was so sick of being home.
Social media shows us something different -- we all know that. This conversation has been done for a while, but it’s still a little difficult to separate real life from online. It’s not that things are fake on social media, it’s just that they’re only the good parts, as I said above. Next time I want to compare myself to someone or be jealous of how much more exciting their life is, I’ll have to remind myself that not only is my life also exciting, but I should never assume I know someone through their perfectly edited picture.
“Every time you see someone’s bright-and-shiny, remember: They have their own crappy truths too. Of course they do. And every time you see your own crappy truth and feel despair and think, ‘Is this my life?’, remember: It’s not. Everyone’s got a bright-and-shiny, even if it’s hard to find sometimes.”
- Sophie Kinsella, My (Not So) Perfect Life
seven important tips for all job interviews
October 15, 2017 • musings, work
It’s funny that I’m even attempting to write this when I, myself, don’t have any clue as to what I’m doing regarding most things in life. I sort of fake it till I make it through almost everything and somehow it works. However, after the number of job interviews I’ve had this past year, I’ve gathered some notes and tips that have helped me succeed and I’ve offered them to at least three people this past week who I know are in the middle of interviews as well. So I figured, why not make a post out of it? I’m sure there are others who are also looking for jobs and could use a couple of these.
These tips are some that I’ve learned as time went on. It’s embarrassing how long it took me to understand some of them and as soon as I did, I face palmed thinking of every time prior to that when I messed up during a job interview. They should seriously teach a class on this or something because I can’t be the only one who did some of these incorrectly. Or maybe I am. *shrug*
1) Don’t wing it.
I know this is obvious, but there’s been one too many times where I’ve attempted to wing it. I thought, what could be so hard? They’re just going to ask me some questions and I don’t want to sound robotic or practiced, so I’ll live in the moment. It has never worked and I’ve sounded like a moron. So, really, this is the biggest one - always be prepared. These interviewers are spending valuable time looking for the right candidate and this is a working business so you can’t just half ass it and waste their time if you’re not going to take it seriously.
2) Know the job role and responsibilities.
The whole point of a job interview is for you to convince the interviewer that you’re fit for the position you’re interviewing for. You have to know the job role and responsibilities to a good degree so that when they ask you things about your experiences or your skills, you can bring it back to how you did something in a previous job that matches up with this one. When you don’t have a particular skill or experience, tell them that you’re someone who is eager to learn and gain those very skills and experience that you lack.
There were a few interviews where I just babbled when they asked me about my job experiences. I never tied it in properly, so it was very messy.
3) Research the company through LinkedIn and Glassdoor.
You should know the basics of the company before going in for the interview. Who they are, what they do, how they do it, etc. I don’t necessarily go too deep into it, but I try finding general information on the first page of their website, or I go to LinkedIn and Glassdoor. With LinkedIn, you can find about the company, look at their employees and see what they do, and basically how it all fits together. Glassdoor is also extremely helpful because they allow current and former employees to review the company with pros, cons, benefits, etc. People who interview with them are also able to review them and the interview process. They’ll even add common questions asked during the interview.
4) Run through common interview questions and have a general idea of what you’re going to say.
I have a board on Pinterest that have a couple of links/pictures that list out general interview questions and give an overview on how you can answer them. Before every interview, I run through these questions and try to brief myself on how I’d answer them. It’s super helpful and gets you in the right mindset.
5) Always ask questions.
Up until a mere few months ago, I was always under the impression that you should never ask questions when the interviewer asks you if you have any questions. I assumed it was bothersome and made you seem like you didn’t have a clue about anything. However, I was speaking to a recruiter at one of my previous jobs and she was giving me some tips for future interviews. One of them, as she told me, was to always ask questions otherwise the interviewers think you don’t care! I sat there shook for a good minute. If I ever did ask questions during interviews, it was things like when am I hearing back from you, or something generic like that. Now I know that you’re supposed to ask meaningful questions about the company, the position you’re applying for, etc. It’s actually very helpful because they give you a more broad sense of what to expect from the job and their work culture within the company.
6) Engage with them in regards to your questions.
After learning the above tip, I started asking questions during my interviews, but I didn’t really engage with the interviewer after they answered. I just jumped into the next question because I didn’t want to waste their time. Usually they ask you to ask questions toward the end of the interview, so I was always trying to get going. But it’s super important to ask questions and then engage with them. Respond back with your thoughts on their answers, always bring it back to how you’re fit for the role, and how their answers and information interests you so they know you care.
7) Thank you notes.
Everyone knows to write thank you notes after the interview, but there’s this post I found on Pinterest that honestly changed the game for me. It really breaks down how you should write your note, how long after, and what not to write. Because of this, my thank you notes have actually been getting responses, which has never happened before.
I’m not suddenly an expert in interviews because I do still get nervous and feel like I’m going to vomit, but this has helped! I’ve been feeling more confident after some of my recent ones, which doesn’t always happen. I hope this is helpful for you as well and that you’re able to ace your next interview.
from my ears to yours: vol. 1
October 8, 2017 • musings, playlists
Currently, my obsession is making Spotify playlists. I tend to be a little extra by titling them, creating cute covers, and blurbs to describe the songs. A lot of work goes into picking the songs and their arrangement as well. I like having a perfectly cohesive collection that effortlessly move into each other and are intertwined with the same theme.
With that being said, I thought I could share some of these playlists I’ve spent time slaving over. And I don’t mean to brag but I have great taste in music and these songs are bomb. I might even make this an occasional post series. So without further ado, here they are!
caught up in you
a playlist for when you’re in love or want to be in love
take me home
a playlist full of slow songs that will make you look like the moon emoji
a frantic girl
a playlist i made when my mind felt chaotic and i needed it to stop
girl crush, heart rush
a playlist about being a girl and loving them
renegade heart
a playlist for when you want to wear your leather jacket
a playlist for when you want to wear your leather jacket
I hope you guys like these, and if you don’t, then I hope I inspired you to make your own. And when you do, please share them with me because I love listening to other people's playlists as well! I believe bonds that are created or strengthened through music are most beautiful. Music is how I became best friends with some of the best people I know.
A couple of months ago, I wrote a post on graduating college and moving forward with my life. In that post, I talked about how I wasn’t really sure what I was going to be doing after graduation. There was talk of grad schools and jobs and possible adventure. There weren’t concrete plans, but there was a semblance of one, and it was positive.
Fast forward five months and I’ve been stuck in the strangest limbo.
I knew post grad life would be hard having seen some of my friends struggle, but for some reason, I just didn’t anticipate it bringing me down as much as it has. I’ve always been driven by productivity, though, my family might not agree because I’m pretty lazy when it comes to housework. But it’s true. After attending school for nearly twenty years of my life, I’ve become accustomed to having a schedule -- having something to do.
So much so, that within the past few years, I’ve noticed that I can never just sit and do one thing. I constantly need to be doing two or more things at once. When I was younger, I allowed myself to sit down and read a book in its entirety, with no care as to how long it took me. Now, I feel guilty for sitting down for more than five minutes with a book. I feel guilty if I’m watching a TV show or a movie and not doing something else along with it. I feel like I’m wasting time and should be doing something else. Multi-tasking has been so embedded into me that I can’t tell if it’s a blessing or a curse.
Given that, it’s been rough not having done anything substantial this past summer. I’ve been temping at a company for a bit, but I am in a place where I’m yearning for something more permanent. I want a solid job that will give my life discipline and direction. Who knew it’d be so hard?
Doubts started to form in my head. Was I not good enough for any company? Did I suck at interviews? Did I suck in general? Getting rejected, or more often not getting a response at all, is disheartening. It starts to mess with your self-esteem, really. I’ve felt I’ve been at one of my lowest this past summer, just trying to figure certain things out. One of the main things I’m always asked is -- what is it that I want to do? Truth is, I don’t know! I have goals, but not specific ones and I don’t understand why that’s a bad thing. It doesn’t mean my dedication to something will be any less. I sincerely mean when I say this, but I won’t half ass something and try it out for the heck of it. I’ll give my 110% into everything I do.
Furthermore, it’s been dawning on me lately how hard I have to work every time I want something. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean a job, but so many other aspects of my life. I feel like I’m always putting in the extra work while it just comes so easy for other people. Sometimes, I’ll even put in the work and still not get what I want. It’s not healthy to compare myself to others -- I know that -- but I can’t help but resent the world at times because for once I just want things to come easy. I don’t want to have to compete. I want to have a goal and be able to achieve it without dragging myself through hell and back for it.
Regardless, I’ll always keep trying. I’ll always put my best foot forward and give my all into achieving something I want. It’s been said that nothing ever comes easy in life, and maybe that's something I still need to accept and not be so bitter over.
For a while, I did let myself go and give in to the notion that I wasn’t going to amount to anything. Nothing I want will come easy so why try? But it took the support of my family and friends as well as the belief I have in myself to know that that wasn’t true. I have been in rock bottom and lower. I’ve made it out and I’ve worked too hard to come this far and give up. Everyday I’m trying to chin up and do little things that will keep me in the right mindset. I really hope this positivity and drive will get me to where I need to be soon enough.
“i know it’s hard
believe me
i know it feels like
tomorrow will never come
and today will be the most
difficult day to get get through
but i swear you will get through
the hurt will pass
as it always does
if you give it time and let it
so let it go
slowly
like a broken promise
let it go.”
- rupi kaur
- Yearning for change, but not doing anything to make it happen, won’t actually make anything change.
- Stop measuring your own success to others. Everyone is on different journeys. (Thanks, AP!)
- Don’t feel guilty for allowing yourself to take a break. Sometimes not doing anything is just as productive, and it’s good for your mind and body.
- Things will fall into place as you planned. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay. It wasn’t meant to be.
- Everything takes time. Be patient -- especially with yourself.
45 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, NY 10111, USA
be kind. always.
May 28, 2017 • life, musings, personal
A little over a month ago, I wrote a piece for Teen Vogue about a Norwegian show called Skam. My article focused on the current season’s centric character, Sana, and how important she is for young Muslim women in this day and age. I am really proud of it, but after writing it I went through a mini writer’s block where I couldn’t make sense of any of my words. Because of that, everything I attempted to write has been sitting in my Google Drive as drafts.
Recently, however, while going through a rough patch, I started thinking about season two of Skam. The centric character for that season was Noora and she had a quote taped to her bedroom wall that read:
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
It sounds like a generic quote that I think we’ve all seen passed around over the years, but I think it holds so much truth. I come across so many people everyday whether it be while walking down a busy New York street or riding on a packed subway compartment. Everyone’s got a story. They’ve all got highs and lows that I will never know about. However, I don’t need to realize this to be nice to those I come across. I’m a strong believer in treating others how I wish to be treated. That isn’t always the case for everyone else, though.
So often I hear people say, “Oh, sorry for acting awful toward you. I was having a bad day.” Or, “Don’t mind them. They’re just going through stuff.”
Why is it okay for people to behave rudely with others because they’re having a bad day? Why is that a free pass to be a shithead and spread negativity?
As someone who tends to bottle things up, I find myself cracking at the seams as soon as it all becomes too much. And usually when I reach that breaking point and find it hard to hold in all my stress and anxiety, it’s usually triggered by others behaving rudely with me. Now, I wouldn’t say I’m the most sensitive person around, but it’s off putting when someone lets out their frustrations over other things on you when you yourself are going through your own problems. It can put a damper on your whole mood causing you to think negative thoughts.
I, personally, don’t want to be an unpleasant person to anyone because of my personal problems. I try to be as kind as possible to everyone I come across because that’s how I would like to be treated. And people say they are “always nice,” but they don’t actually practice it, which is so irritating. Practice what you preach!
That quote from Skam points out that we may not know anything about what other people are going through, so being kind could go a long way. It doesn’t take a lot to be nice. If you’re kind to those you come across, it will not only make that person feel good, but at the end of the day, you will also feel better about yourself.
Just a thought.
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