from my ears to yours: vol. 1
October 8, 2017 • musings, playlists
Currently, my obsession is making Spotify playlists. I tend to be a little extra by titling them, creating cute covers, and blurbs to describe the songs. A lot of work goes into picking the songs and their arrangement as well. I like having a perfectly cohesive collection that effortlessly move into each other and are intertwined with the same theme.
With that being said, I thought I could share some of these playlists I’ve spent time slaving over. And I don’t mean to brag but I have great taste in music and these songs are bomb. I might even make this an occasional post series. So without further ado, here they are!
caught up in you
a playlist for when you’re in love or want to be in love
take me home
a playlist full of slow songs that will make you look like the moon emoji
a frantic girl
a playlist i made when my mind felt chaotic and i needed it to stop
girl crush, heart rush
a playlist about being a girl and loving them
renegade heart
a playlist for when you want to wear your leather jacket
a playlist for when you want to wear your leather jacket
I hope you guys like these, and if you don’t, then I hope I inspired you to make your own. And when you do, please share them with me because I love listening to other people's playlists as well! I believe bonds that are created or strengthened through music are most beautiful. Music is how I became best friends with some of the best people I know.
A couple of months ago, I wrote a post on graduating college and moving forward with my life. In that post, I talked about how I wasn’t really sure what I was going to be doing after graduation. There was talk of grad schools and jobs and possible adventure. There weren’t concrete plans, but there was a semblance of one, and it was positive.
Fast forward five months and I’ve been stuck in the strangest limbo.
I knew post grad life would be hard having seen some of my friends struggle, but for some reason, I just didn’t anticipate it bringing me down as much as it has. I’ve always been driven by productivity, though, my family might not agree because I’m pretty lazy when it comes to housework. But it’s true. After attending school for nearly twenty years of my life, I’ve become accustomed to having a schedule -- having something to do.
So much so, that within the past few years, I’ve noticed that I can never just sit and do one thing. I constantly need to be doing two or more things at once. When I was younger, I allowed myself to sit down and read a book in its entirety, with no care as to how long it took me. Now, I feel guilty for sitting down for more than five minutes with a book. I feel guilty if I’m watching a TV show or a movie and not doing something else along with it. I feel like I’m wasting time and should be doing something else. Multi-tasking has been so embedded into me that I can’t tell if it’s a blessing or a curse.
Given that, it’s been rough not having done anything substantial this past summer. I’ve been temping at a company for a bit, but I am in a place where I’m yearning for something more permanent. I want a solid job that will give my life discipline and direction. Who knew it’d be so hard?
Doubts started to form in my head. Was I not good enough for any company? Did I suck at interviews? Did I suck in general? Getting rejected, or more often not getting a response at all, is disheartening. It starts to mess with your self-esteem, really. I’ve felt I’ve been at one of my lowest this past summer, just trying to figure certain things out. One of the main things I’m always asked is -- what is it that I want to do? Truth is, I don’t know! I have goals, but not specific ones and I don’t understand why that’s a bad thing. It doesn’t mean my dedication to something will be any less. I sincerely mean when I say this, but I won’t half ass something and try it out for the heck of it. I’ll give my 110% into everything I do.
Furthermore, it’s been dawning on me lately how hard I have to work every time I want something. It doesn’t necessarily have to mean a job, but so many other aspects of my life. I feel like I’m always putting in the extra work while it just comes so easy for other people. Sometimes, I’ll even put in the work and still not get what I want. It’s not healthy to compare myself to others -- I know that -- but I can’t help but resent the world at times because for once I just want things to come easy. I don’t want to have to compete. I want to have a goal and be able to achieve it without dragging myself through hell and back for it.
Regardless, I’ll always keep trying. I’ll always put my best foot forward and give my all into achieving something I want. It’s been said that nothing ever comes easy in life, and maybe that's something I still need to accept and not be so bitter over.
For a while, I did let myself go and give in to the notion that I wasn’t going to amount to anything. Nothing I want will come easy so why try? But it took the support of my family and friends as well as the belief I have in myself to know that that wasn’t true. I have been in rock bottom and lower. I’ve made it out and I’ve worked too hard to come this far and give up. Everyday I’m trying to chin up and do little things that will keep me in the right mindset. I really hope this positivity and drive will get me to where I need to be soon enough.
“i know it’s hard
believe me
i know it feels like
tomorrow will never come
and today will be the most
difficult day to get get through
but i swear you will get through
the hurt will pass
as it always does
if you give it time and let it
so let it go
slowly
like a broken promise
let it go.”
- rupi kaur
- Yearning for change, but not doing anything to make it happen, won’t actually make anything change.
- Stop measuring your own success to others. Everyone is on different journeys. (Thanks, AP!)
- Don’t feel guilty for allowing yourself to take a break. Sometimes not doing anything is just as productive, and it’s good for your mind and body.
- Things will fall into place as you planned. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay. It wasn’t meant to be.
- Everything takes time. Be patient -- especially with yourself.
45 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, NY 10111, USA
be kind. always.
May 28, 2017 • life, musings, personal
A little over a month ago, I wrote a piece for Teen Vogue about a Norwegian show called Skam. My article focused on the current season’s centric character, Sana, and how important she is for young Muslim women in this day and age. I am really proud of it, but after writing it I went through a mini writer’s block where I couldn’t make sense of any of my words. Because of that, everything I attempted to write has been sitting in my Google Drive as drafts.
Recently, however, while going through a rough patch, I started thinking about season two of Skam. The centric character for that season was Noora and she had a quote taped to her bedroom wall that read:
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
It sounds like a generic quote that I think we’ve all seen passed around over the years, but I think it holds so much truth. I come across so many people everyday whether it be while walking down a busy New York street or riding on a packed subway compartment. Everyone’s got a story. They’ve all got highs and lows that I will never know about. However, I don’t need to realize this to be nice to those I come across. I’m a strong believer in treating others how I wish to be treated. That isn’t always the case for everyone else, though.
So often I hear people say, “Oh, sorry for acting awful toward you. I was having a bad day.” Or, “Don’t mind them. They’re just going through stuff.”
Why is it okay for people to behave rudely with others because they’re having a bad day? Why is that a free pass to be a shithead and spread negativity?
As someone who tends to bottle things up, I find myself cracking at the seams as soon as it all becomes too much. And usually when I reach that breaking point and find it hard to hold in all my stress and anxiety, it’s usually triggered by others behaving rudely with me. Now, I wouldn’t say I’m the most sensitive person around, but it’s off putting when someone lets out their frustrations over other things on you when you yourself are going through your own problems. It can put a damper on your whole mood causing you to think negative thoughts.
I, personally, don’t want to be an unpleasant person to anyone because of my personal problems. I try to be as kind as possible to everyone I come across because that’s how I would like to be treated. And people say they are “always nice,” but they don’t actually practice it, which is so irritating. Practice what you preach!
That quote from Skam points out that we may not know anything about what other people are going through, so being kind could go a long way. It doesn’t take a lot to be nice. If you’re kind to those you come across, it will not only make that person feel good, but at the end of the day, you will also feel better about yourself.
Just a thought.
My school email inbox is full of reminders to sign up for graduation this upcoming May. I still haven’t even made an appointment for senior portraits, either, but in my defense, I always look so bad in those pictures. Where are the Snapchat filters to give me a little extra flair so that I can hide my face behind masks and pretty flower crowns? It’s just a scary, daunting thing to know that I’m finally getting to the end of this chapter of my life. Mostly because it was such a long one. One full of lessons learned and growing up, but that discussion is for another day because there is something bigger frying in my head at the moment.
I’m currently working as an intern for academic credit. It’s a pretty huge company, full of amazing opportunities in terms of where I see myself going in the future, and it pays! I also occasionally drop in at my old place of employment that I’ve worked as a temp since summer of 2015. It’s nice there, familiar and easy, but not entirely where I ideally see myself in the future.
Come early May, my internship will end, and I’ve got a lot of decisions to make. I have the opportunity to ask either of my employers for a full time job after I graduate, but I get insecure and wonder if they’ll even want to hire me. On top of that, I also have to keep in mind that I want to do my masters ASAP so that I don’t lose my school momentum. When I talked to my mom about this, she asked me why I was even bothering worrying about all this now. After such a long, hard few years of college, I deserved a break. She is insisting I actually sit around at home and relax, or go on a vacation. The idea seems tempting. I even reached out to my cousin in Australia about possibly coming down under for two weeks in June, but then I thought, did I want to slow down?
A few months ago, I was reading Mindy Kaling’s book, Why Not Me?, and there was a part in it where she talked about the term workaholics:
We do a thing in America, which is to label people ‘workaholics’ and tell them that work is ruining their lives. [...] And to some degree, I understand why the trope exists. It probably resonates because most people in this country hate their jobs. [...] The reason I’m bringing this up is not to defend my status as someone who always works. It’s just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a ‘workaholic.’ We can’t have it both ways. Because confidence is like respect: you have to earn it.
I’m not saying I’m a workaholic because I’m a 24 year old girl who loves to sleep all day, but I don’t hate work. I enjoy the office setting, I enjoy talking to a different group of people outside of school, and I don’t find mind daily commutes on a crowded train. Furthermore, I have really big dreams that won’t come true if I were to just sit around and not do anything for several months.
Maybe it’s naive because I’ve only been properly working for two years, or maybe I’m so over school and the mindset of my younger peers that I yearn for something new. Either way, I don’t want to completely let go of the working life. It isn’t a money thing, though that part isn’t bad, but it’s just having something to do. After years having homework and a place to go Monday to Friday, the idea of not having any obligations is strange and unfamiliar. It’s like the start of every summer vacation where the first few days feel like a weird daze. Like you actually can’t believe you have nothing to do. That can quickly get boring.
I have a few weeks to decide what I’ll be doing, but it feels like the weeks are passing by in a blur. Time is ticking, graduation day is quickly approaching, and I still don’t fully know what I want to do. Should I relax and actually enjoy my life or keep going? Maybe it would be good to keep my options open and dip my toes in here and there so that the universe will just naturally let things fall into place and lead me in the right direction.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
